The User Manual Never Came: My Not-So-Defined Journey into Motherhood

So here’s the thing,if someone handed out a starter pack for motherhood, mine definitely got lost in transit. Probably labeled “return to sender”or stuck in customs with my dreams and sanity.

This is my journey. Not just into motherhood, but into 'parenthood', 'adulting', and, ultimately, into becoming a completely new version of me. A reboot, if you will,except with way more crying ,mostly mine,and zero warranty.

But let me ask: Where does motherhood even begin? Is it the moment you see two lines on a test? When you start hiding cravings for boiled eggs and mangoes at 2 a.m.? Or is it when someone calls you “Mama” and you're not sure whether to feel proud, scared, or just hungry again?

In most African families, this isn’t something we talk about. No TED Talks over dinner, no pamphlets titled “So You’re Thinking of Becoming a Mum.”Nope. Yet these same families have unspoken standards on how motherhood should be lived. It's like trying to run a quality check on software that was never scoped in the first place.

Imagine this "a definition of Done... with no definition of ready". Welcome to parenting, African edition.

2021, Ah yes, "2021", the year everything started aligning,or so I thought. Let’s rewind a little.

You see those 'big 3-0' societal whispers go,right? By thirty, you're expected to have it all wrapped up:a husband,at least one child,a thriving career,a car,a master’s degree (because knowledge is power and sometimes, pressure).

I wasn’t doing too badly, if I do say so myself. I ticked quite a few boxes. I was officially a Subaru girlie,gliding through Nairobi's streets with my windows down and confidence up like a pro. My thesis proposal had just been accepted at the University of Nairobi,high five to intellectual crowns everywhere, and I had just transitioned into my first real step on the corporate staircase. Not just entering the building... I was finally on the stairs!

But then, there was this gaping checkbox still empty: "The husband.”
Because, according to the formula, "kids should follow a husband". Spoiler alert: life doesn’t read formulas.

Let’s be honest,no one teaches you how to find a husband. It's not in the curriculum. We just grow up watching women get found, as though there’s some mystical husband-finding radar that activates after your 29th birthday.

So, where are these husbands sold? Do they come in limited editions? Do I download an app or send an email? 'Subject: Urgently Needed - Lifetime Companion.'

Well, I had the love of my life, loving and living miles away.

I had known him for years,someone who had walked with me through the chaotic maze of life. We survived heartbreaks, career transitions, and even binge-watched movies together during COVID lockdowns. He was in Europe. I was in Kenya. But thanks to technology, it felt like we were neighbors... with better Wi-Fi than most married couples.

We talked. We planned. We agreed: once he flew back to Kenya, we’d take the next step.First stop? The introduction. Because in our culture, that’s where you 'introduce' not just him to the family, but yourself to the impending whirlwind of opinions.

Every family has that "one" auntie. You know her. She's got insider intel on everyone’s business, and somehow always knows who’s getting married next. She’s open, outspoken, and weirdly invested in your ovaries.One day over chai and unprovoked small talk, I casually lobbed my teaser:

“He’s flying in this April... His visa’s ending. Finally. Painful for him, but a small miracle for me.” “From which tribe is he again?”.
Before I could answer, she hit me with the real question:“I hope he’s from the GEMA community.”Ah yes,because tribe absolutely ranks higher than love,compatibility, and shared dreams.

Me: Defense mode activated instantly. “We’ve known each other since my first year in campus. He’s not new. We’re in the same field. I’ve seen him grow, professionally and emotionally.”

What I didn’t say: Also, he knows how to fix my Wi-Fi remotely, and that’s a rare skill in today’s men.

And just like that, the wheels were in motion. An unscripted adventure, a plan formed in Google chats and time zones, now turning into reality. But motherhood? That part was still blurry. I knew it was coming, but I had no idea how much it would change me.

But as life would have it, April came and went, and the much-anticipated “Jet-In Day”... well, it shifted. You know how life is  never quite downloading as per the original blueprint.Still, our story didn’t hit pause. We kept talking, catching up across time zones, laughing about the madness of life, and sharing everything from memes to milestones.

Motherhood isn't just about becoming a mom. It’s about losing, finding, and redefining yourself all at once. It’s about sleepless nights, messy buns, unanswered texts, and overflowing laundry baskets that judge you silently. It’s also about joy, magic, and those weird little moments where a tiny human wraps their arms around you and you think, so this is what all the noise was about.

And to think... it all started with a Subaru, a thesis, a virtual love story, and one suspicious auntie.

Stay tuned. Because the real story was just beginning.
And trust me,it came with plot twists, diapers, and love like I’d never known before.

Sticky Notes and Scrambled Nerves: The Retro That Launched My Agile Journey

I had just stepped into a completely new role, Scrum Master. New team, new expectations, and a craft I was still learning. I was still wrapping my head around the role, yet here I was expected to lead a team of seasoned professionals.

The team was a blend of experienced developers and sharp business minds people who had already acquired their craft and knew exactly what they wanted. Everyone, except me. I was still figuring out where the sticky notes were kept.

It was a retro day. The team had a culture of arriving early and so had most of them on this day. I was just about to swipe my card on the ground floor to summon the lift to the 5th when my phone rang. A new caller. I hesitated, then picked up. It was Stacy, my peer buddy. She casually said, “Nilikuwa nakuambia leo sikuji.” “Ni nani?” “Ni Stacy.” I froze. Of all days, why today?

I didn’t ask why she was absent. Empathy didn’t even cross my mind. All I could think was: “Retro is in minutes. I’ve never done one before. How do I even start?” The elevator seemed to double its speed, maybe it sensed my panic. I got to the 5th floor. The team was already seated. All eyes on me. My voice was the missing piece to get this running.

To make matters worse, I hadn’t even figured out where the sticky notes were stored. Yes, the very tools of the trade were missing in action. I stood there, clearly flustered, when one of the front-end engineer kind, observant, and probably a part-time mind reader, sensed my woes from a distance. He looked at me and asked, “Mwenzako hakuji?” I nodded, “No.” Without hesitation, he dashed to the lockers, pulled out a bunch of sticky notes and pens, and said, “Let’s use these.” That was my messiah of the moment. Or so I thought.

I stood there, heart racing, trying to remember everything I’d read about retrospectives. I didn’t have a script. I didn’t have a backup plan. But I had a team that was ready, a bunch of sticky notes, and a developer who had my back. So, I leaned in.

Truthfully, I can’t remember much about how the retrospective itself went. I doubt we had any structured format beyond the classic “What went well, what went wrong.” I fumbled. I made awkward jokes. No sugarcoating it. I was nervous, unsure, and probably said “let’s just go with the flow” more times than I should have.

But looking back, I’m glad I did it. That moment awkward, unpolished, and raw was necessary. It was the beginning of learning by doing. I didn’t need a perfect plan. I needed the experience. And that’s exactly what I got.

💡 Lessons Learned:

• Show up, even when you’re unsure. Leadership starts with presence, not perfection.
• Empathy is a muscle. I didn’t use it that day, but I’ve learned to since
• Lean on your team. Agile is collaborative help often comes from unexpected places.
• Don’t fear the fumble. Every misstep is a step toward mastery.
• Start simple. Even “What went well, what went wrong” can spark meaningful insights.
• Reflect often. Retrospectives aren’t just for the team they’re for you too.

That day taught me more than any Agile course ever could. It was messy, real, and transformative. I didn’t have all the answers honestly, I barely had the sticky notes, but I had the courage to show up, and the humility to learn in real time. And that, I’ve come to learn is the essence of Agile leadership.

Welcome to Agile Mama: Tales and Tasks

 Where motherhood meets mindfulness, and everyday life becomes a story worth telling.

Hey there!
I’m so excited to welcome you to Agile Mama: Tales and Tasks a space inspired by the beautiful, messy, and ever-evolving journey of being a working mom, a woman,a lover and a human constantly growing.

The name Agile Mama is more than just a title it’s a reflection of how I move through life. In the corporate world, agility is about adapting, shifting gears, and finding better ways to work. In motherhood? It’s the same. Every day is a new sprint, a fresh story, and sometimes, a little chaos sprinkled with love (and snacks).

Here on the blog, I’ll be sharing pieces of my motherhood journey the big moments, the in-betweens, the lessons, the laughter, and even the tough days. But this space isn’t just about parenting. It’s also about personal growth, family life, self-awareness, some light life banters and one of my favorite joys travel. Not forgetting my new found hobby-farming.

From weekend getaways to spontaneous adventures, I love discovering new places and finding little life lessons in each trip. You’ll also catch some travel stories and video episodes over on my other platform. I’ll be sure to link them as we go. My goal is to make you feel like you’re right there with me. Whether I’m navigating an airport with a toddler or sipping tea on a quiet balcony somewhere off the beaten path.

So whether you’re a fellow mama, a traveler at heart, or simply someone figuring it all out like the rest of us, I hope you find something here that speaks to you. Let’s grow together, laugh together, and remind each other that we’re doing better than we think.
Here’s to tales worth telling and tasks worth taking on.

With love,
Agile Mama